Average jerks don’t realize that when you RSVP it goes to the event wall for the world to see, not just the person that originally sent them the invite.
Mega jerks know this and go out of their way to let all 1,293 people know that they can’t come see the show because they’re dog sitting in Cornwall.
Tommorow’s HTBAJ: Shrink Your Pet Peeves, Best Practices and Entire World To Encompass Only Facebook.
Mini jerks ask all sorts of inane and unsolicited questions about where you’re going and where you’re parking your bike and why you’re locking up your seat and why you’re walking up that fire escape and what apartment you’re going to and if you live there and if you knew that their dad used to live in that apartment before the current tenant.
Mega jerks get disproportionately and irrationally angry when subjected to this form of questioning, feeling suddenly like they have been saddled with the task of facilitating the youthful questioner’s life-long journey of understanding the world around them, and consequently overburdened with that responsibility. The difference between a jerk and a mega jerk is whether a bicycle is thrown in anger prior to the inevitable realization that one can just pretend the questioner isn’t there and the questions aren’t being asked with little to no appreciable change in overall outcome.
Jerks happily join social networking sites and spend 17 minutes attempting to come up with a clever statement which is reflective of their respective status.
Jerks are ultimately dissatisfied with the end product.
Mega jerks dwell on their status change and feel it deserves the social networking site equivalent of the Giller Prize.
Jerks build social networking sites that announce to the world that you’re no longer single when you change the relationship status field to a blank just to keep your stupid profile from broadcasting your stupid chronically antisocial nature.
Jerks think five (or six) out of seven ain’t really all that bad.
Jerks:
Jerks subconsciously permit situations to unfold that guarantee that by the end of the weekend, the two other people sharing the room are trying to kill each other.
A seasoned jerk will accept that the lord giveth and the lord stealeth away when they come back to the hotel in the dodgy part of town on Monday morning to find that their beloved and quality bicycle is no longer locked to the Casey’s sign out front of the dodgy hotel restaurant. A novice jerk will spend the week being accepting of the fact that material things come and go. A real jerk will, at the end of the week, realize that they actually locked it up about five blocks away. And find that it’s still there a week later.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas and your entire graduating class are now friends. Jonathan found your class using the People You May Know tool.
Jerks are sad when they are unstalked by unstalkers.