Jerks lift your carefully crafted, copyrighted and highly valuable “internet content” to hawk boner grower meds. And make it more funny.

Jerks bring their cars when they go to Toronto.

Jerks hang up on telemarketers, but they do so by singing a song, loudly, over the telemarketer’s opening pitch and hanging up in the middle of it. Bonus jerkpoints are awarded for using the kind of song that gets stuck in your head all day if you only hear a small part of it.

Jerks who don’t feel the world has digested enough of their brilliant and peppy brand of sass through verbal interplay firmly affix bumper stickers to their automobile in a vain attempt to draw attention to themselves for another brief shining moment.

I’m going from zero to BITCH in 10 seconds.

Jerks would rather phone something in and try to justify mediocrity than let a day go by in which their jerky voice, like a blessing on all those within earshot, is not heard.

A jerk handed a water gun at an interactive screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show will not be able to keep from shooting everyone around him or her, regardless of whether it’s raining on screen.

“Asshole!”

Jerks make the world a less welcoming place by introducing words that tear us apart, foster division and ensure that no, we actually can’t get along, but that we can’t help but adopt into our daily vocabulary.

And fuck, even if things [that those homosexuals are trying to accomplish] fall the fuck apart, i bet they’ll do it in a hilarious, chaotic yet entertaining and ultimately aesthetically pleasing way.

Gaos, if you will.

– Avril McJerkin

See also: glr.

Jerks pull out the most inane things from long, intelligent, and issue laden series of messages and focus exclusively on them.

Jerks who don’t know how to do a thing and are given explicit step-by-step written instructions feel that mere proximity to those instructions is enough inspiration to get it right, and do not refer to the instructions as they go along. Even when you’re sitting right there. Watching them. Evaluating how well they are learning their new job. Entering financial information.

Jerks deviate from their mission in order to bring you hilarious bits of internet trash-talking gone horribly, horribly RIGHT.