When I get my first paycheque of the month it comes paper-clipped to the UC Berkeley Wellness Letter, an eight page newsletter that reminds readers that salt is bad and everything gives you cancer. I guess they don’t want me to die any time soon… or when I die want me to be well aware of the bad habits that most likely contributed to it.

There are letters in the back. Letters from people should never be printed because they reveal humans to be mostly idiots.

I am a smoker and I am worried about lung cancer. Should I stop drinking tomato juice?

The answer, predictably, is “No. You’re an idiot.”