Because we live in whatever year this is, we each find ourselves with a subtly shifting but fundamentally stable list of blogs that we check from time to time (or obsessively) when we find ourselves near a computer but without sufficient willingness to focus on more pressing tasks. We look to this list to keep us fully entertained at a moment’s notice at virtually any time of the day, and I for one feel a profound sense of betrayal when I see the words Your reading list has no unread items.

But it does happen from time to time, particularly when you waste a Saturday afternoon at work searching for motivation to do the things you simply couldn’t face on Thursday. With my list empty and my willingness to focus still lower than zero I ventured out to find new blogs. Fresh sources of wonder that would keep me from having to face the ever-growing, terror-inducing to-do list on my office white board.

Bad call.

I assumed that the blogs that have been lovingly placed in the various cleverly retitled ‘links’ sections of the blogs that I like would be, like, just as good as the blogs doing the linking. And not cause me to want to claw out my own eyes with their self-conscious, awkward and purposeless rhetoric. And make me think about how the 31 people reading this blog must want to claw their own eyes out for the very same reasons.

I was wearing safety goggles while typing this. That almost deserves it’s own post.

So, I guess neither of you want to be blog superstars? Is that it?

Well all I can say is that when I am interviewing Britney’s vagina on my own VH1 show, you’ll be sorry.

This is just like in elementary school, when nobody would play my reindeer games.