Three times this morning, while driving about getting things done, I encountered crossing guards. Dressed brightly. Helping children cross the street. At intersections. With traffic lights.

Back in my day they had crossing guards in the middle of busy four-lane roads, at nothing more than two white lines on the pavement, because they knew that kids would just be running across there willy-nilly regardless of traffic flow. One whistle blow was to tell the cars to stop (in case the drivers were blind and couldn’t see the safety pinny and the portable stop sign held aloft like an Olympic Flame that never managed to get all the way across the street), two whistle blows told us we could cross.

If we could learn these complicated rules, why is it that kids these days can’t figure out how to press a button and wait for a signal change? Isn’t this a critical ‘life skill’? Aren’t we better off if the children who graduate from having a parental escort* to going-it-alone without managing to develop this skill are removed by natural selection?

The moral of the story is: No matter what anyone says, any difference between “back in my day” and “these days” can be attributed to the fact that contemporary kids are stupider and we are, consequently, all doomed.

Cooper Neilson just asked me to be a principal in his new company. I guess there is one major benefit to going to the Cuban ballet: it reminds you of seven year old movies that make life magical again.

My earlier use of the word meandering caused me to want to say “HEY REMEMBER THIS:

“

Two words: chill tent.

I’d actually forgotten, until I thought about it some more, that there were two cottage videos. Crayfish and puppies and candles. Oh my.

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Perhaps you don’t remember, but I invented youtube*.
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