Jerks who have blogs write fourteen entries on Thursday morning and then schedule them for daily release, so that four days into the schedule nothing is current or relevant and everything is primed for misinterpretation.
You know, I just learned a couple unique things about our gross friend phlegm.
** Note: I started this a couple weeks ago. I can’t believe I was going to write a manifesto on phlegm. Man, I’m such a jerk.
I was taking a stroll through the park yesterday and I discovered something that upset me more than Ryan Seacrest’s fame and popularity…and that my friends is couples who jog together.
Young or old, it makes no difference, but there is nothing that irks me more than seeing a couple jogging side by side in their leggings and other overpriced running garb. Nowhere is this hatred fuelled more than in the High Park area, where I just know everyone is going home and drinking Zima and talking about some restaurant in Yorkville they saw Sean Penn at during the Toronto International Film Festival.
I know this may be crossing the line of the high etiquette bar of jerk spot, but screw them.
Below are some people jogging for your reference.
<—–older people
<—-younger people against the sedentary lifestyle. I bet they go home and listen to John Mayer mp3s on their macbooks.
In follow up to the letter to the hag, I thought I would post this on my daily drive on the information superhighway (aka the internet).
I perused the letter to the hag and then printed out the item. I scented it with jasmine and lightly dusted the parchment with sparkles. I stopped just short of applying lipstick (colour = Cranberry Cream) and placing a signature smooch in the bottom right hand corner of the document.
I called for a Medieval Page to my office and assigned him the daunting task of delivering the message. I applied an official seal to the document and sent it on its way. I waited with bated breath.
A fortnight passed (which is bizarre, since the posting was clearly less than a fortnight ago)…and I received an answer.
I opened the parchment only to reveal a bolded, italicized, right justified, underlined (in Arial font 32) statement saying
“Oh no you didn’t”
Thanks a lot LeJerk. Your Penny Annie advice has gotten me into trouble . What does Penny Annie advice mean anyway?
I know the utter stupidity of this post has enraged all three of its readers. To calm yourself down, please gaze upon this image of a great Canadian hero, The Littlest Hobo
Good day to you
There are few times in my life where the need to post is so overwhelming, that I cannot supress it any further and I cede to the urges. This day represents one of those times.
Beloved brainchild of Miller-Boyett productions, purveyor of situation comedy hilarity, and spewer of dozens of memorable catch-phrases, Steve Urkel is celebrating a birthday today. Steve Urkel’s Christian name is Jaleel White and today we celebrate the day he was born in a manger in Bethlehem.
He is 31, according to the Associated Press.
Please enjoy this low resolution digital image stolen from ‘Google Images’ on this sacred day.
On a concluding note, Stefan Urkelle turns 29 today.
Confusing, but true.
uh, yeah. that’s actually the name of this toy. which looks like fuckloads of fun, of course, but seriously. DUDE.
p.s. in case it’s not abundantly clear, you sit on it. then you spin.
I think this is possibly the creepiest cake I’ve ever seen.
Testing…testing…is this thing on?
I was wondering what would be better than posting on this website while working…and I decided that the only thing superior to sticking it to the man was a combination of both religion and acronyms.
People Really Are Into Sensational Efforts – PRAISE
What Would Jesus Do? – WWJD?
Praise, Repent, Ask, Yield – PRAY
Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving, Supplication – ACTS
I think PRAISE is a super huge stretch from reality, so it makes sense that it is posted on a heavily religious ‘feel good’ on-line newspaper that pretends there is nothing obscene or bad in the world.
Peace be with you all
Sincerely,
Brother Sass
